I don’t like this inertia which has slowly crept over me in the month since things settled down here. It bothers me, annoys me too. I’ve been there before, but it’s not as simple as that. I just can’t see a way out of it. I’m starting to understand just how unnaturally stressed out I …
Category Archives: Rants
I wish…
… that I could stop being so afraid of everything. It’s like a disease. I just want to turn my brain off. Then maybe my stomach would stop churning, my appetite would come back, I would stop feeling so tense and hunched and stressed. I have the keys to my new place, and I am …
I can't believe it's December already…
It seems to have crept up on me. I have a stinker of an assignment due in 3 days, two days really because I want to get it submitted tomorrow night. After that though, I’m going to stop stressing and enjoy myself. Various things have or haven’t happened in November. My novel got to 20k, …
Realization
I feel like I’m moving closer and closer to clarity and understanding when it comes to a particular friendship. I say friendship… it is both so much more and so much less than that. Was so much more – and is now so much less, than friendship. Talking recently on the phone, he said he …
Argh – Cats!
I’m in the living room with the door closed, and outside spread around the hall are the remains of a massive, dead, ripped up black bird thing that I have to deal with shortly. Argh. Venus has thoughtfully removed the legs, though I’m not quite sure why. And the main… section is a bit.. well, …
You should be in my space
Last night I phoned M.E, one of my oldest friends. We’ve had a roller coaster time in the last year or two, because he fell in love with me last year and then I messed him around and was generally indecisive and feeling-hurting. I thought if he was so convinced we were soulmates, maybe we …
Falling behind with life
I seem to be behind with everything lately, probably because I’m in love. Things not directly related to that tend to get shelved and then never picked up again, and I’m getting rather tired of myself. My friends, flickr, this blog, reading, guitar, job search, boat maintenance (difficult when I’m hardly ever there), giving my …
At least she understands now what it’s like to be afraid to use the underground
So my mum ran into my ex today. Rob. The one who was dating me for about four months until he suddenly stopped talking to me, just like that. And then had the cheek to spout the – obviously well rehearsed – line: “I guess we just drifted apart, huh?” at me when I saw …
Self flagellation
It should be easy to stop mentally beating yourself up, right? It should be the desired course of action. And somewhere inside me there is a little Vicky who is bright and sassy and in control. She can make things happen, make me decide to feel alright, make me stop welling up, make me stop …
Is anyone else’s dream life exploding into a frenzy of violence? No? Must be just me then…
God Almighty, my dreams are getting weird lately. This morning I tried to tell my mum about one of them: “Hey, last night I dreamed I was in a warehouse with a scary man who looked a little bit like John Travolta. There was a table between us and he was coming towards me, looking …