So, after a little while over at vicky.wordpress.com, I have now returned home to roost at my trusty old domain, lostinthought.net. It’s nice to be back! 
I’ve also given the site a new look. Or rather, I have trawled through about a billion themes and eventually settled on one. We’ll see how long this lasts! So, at the moment I’m using a theme called paper by Amanda Hawkins. I miss my old Relaxation 3 Column by Clemens Orth I think it was. He’s no longer active online and the theme probably needs updating even if I could find it. So, this theme reminds me of Relaxation 3 column, it’s all familiar and stuff. I like it a lot.
See what putting off an OU assignment can do to me??
Latest update with ‘the friend’. Didn’t communicate with him over Christmas; I had to bite my tongue to avoid saying something mean and retaliatory which I would doubtless regret later. I think I am still a bit shocked by the last time he and I spoke on the phone, how he could reduce me to tears when I don’t cry a lot as a rule and am fairly happy. I thought I would be able to move on from that better than I have. In fact my trust in him has taken a real beating, and it shows in my unconsious actions. I haven’t once felt like calling him since then, wheras before I would always entertain the idea of phoning him up, even during the Phone Drought of 07-09 when I couldn’t phone him without inadvertently revealing stuff about my life. (Stuff like, oh hey I have a baby! Yeah, just little, minor things…) I do not want to call him right now. I’m really, really wary and kind of mentally curled up into a ball. He has no idea this is still an issue, so to his credit he might do more to make amends if he knew I was still stinging from his harsh words. But then again, he might not.
Sometimes I google things like ‘Friend with bipolar’ ‘toxic friend definition’. One tells you to do whatever you can to support them, whikle remaining healthy yourself and setting boundaries. The other says Run for the hills! I don’t know if he’s ill and needs a doctor or just needs to be left alone to be snarky to whoever is silly/trusting enough to give him the time of day. I don’t know if I can do either of those things.
Sometimes, I don’t feel grown up at all. I’m going to be 27 this year and I still just want an adult to come and tell me what to do. I don’t know whether that ever goes away…
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