This person is me, they are me, I am them. Finally, I’ve found someone who says it so much better that I’m actually happy to be reading their words, because it means I understand.
Sometimes you have to see things from the outside, I guess.
This person is me, they are me, I am them. Finally, I’ve found someone who says it so much better that I’m actually happy to be reading their words, because it means I understand.
Sometimes you have to see things from the outside, I guess.
Wow, that story was really heartbreaking; I hope you’re not going through half the hell she is
It is strange, isn’t it, how we don’t consider the consequences of marriage when we go into it — mum never sits you down and tells you things get tough, that you might be wise to leave an exit route. We commit ourselves fully; we get more and more deeply entrenched in married life (first a mortgage, then kids) without even realising it, and before you know it there’s no untangling your life from theirs.
I read something the other month, it was a strange BBC news article about exchange rates — apparently its very usual for non-working Japanese housewives to skim money off their husbands’ earnings and save it in a bank with the intention of divorcing him in retirement, so they can spend their silver years alone and content. Their was even a name for such slush-funds, but I can’t remember what it was.
(as a slight aside – my husband and I have long-since agreed that should the worst ever happen, I get to keep the cats hehe)
It was a bit depressing, wasn’t it? I’m not in exactly the same situation, but partly because I’m not married. In other ways though, it is very similar… I’m planning to move out by the end of the summer kind of time, at first it was going to be him, but he was talking about going to Portugal and never seeing his son again,
because he couldn’t afford to stay in the area. At least I’m entitled to some housing benefit (he owns the house) so I’m going to use it. Just saving up right now and getting the business going 
.
Marriage is scary to me, I’m in awe of anyone who does it. I used to be really big on the idea, but a bit less so now. I know what you mean about the lives merging though. It gets so you don’t have the energy to even think about un-merging with the other person, let alone do it. DVD collections, joint account, child access, cats, having to think about buying things like washing up bowls and hoovers because you have to start ALL over again. God.
Anyway, ahem. Sorry – I didn’t mean to go off on one. I’m actually feeling quite happy because I can see the future and I know it will be good; I just have to get there. And it will take a while, which is crappy.
By the way, I think those Japanese women sound groovy, and very sensible! Also like the idea of ‘alone and content’, that sounds about right to me
(But then I’m biased, and I expect one day I will get all soppy and fall in love with love again)
V
x
I’m glad you have a plan, something to aim for and think ahead to.
We’ve just had our second wedding anniversary, but then we were together 8 years before we got hitched so it didn’t seem like a big deal when we did the deed. I love him to bits, but I do sometimes wish I was single and had my own space… thank crunchie he works shifts so I get every other evening to myself!!